Why crabs don't escape

[grysar]

I occasionally read Cary Tennis's advice column in Salon mostly because it gets weird questions. Today's involves a woman weirded out that another woman is attending a bachelor's party her husband is attended.

But then I found out that, actually, one woman is attending the [Bachelor's] party. She's single and unfortunately not gay; she's very straight, a boy-crazy type. She's the groom-to-be's best friend. I love when men have female best friends, but the notion of her watching my husband at a bachelor party creeps me out. I know she'll be enjoying the exclusivity, and it seems like another kind of sexism: Wives are too dorky to attend; typical women can't "hang" with guys viewing naked women.

Am I crazy to think she's going to be putting the wives and girlfriends of these guys down while she watches them watch strippers?Listen, if she were doing the stripping, I'd be fine with that too. But I think it is more of an "I'm cooler than all other women" type of position. I've had guy friends all my life, but I never relished "being one of the boys" or their being somehow "My Boys." (There is a nauseating show titled this. Ugh.) It seems so unnecessarily anti-woman. Thoughts?

Man... the horror. A woman at a bachelor's party that wasn't in a clearly servile position. What could be more anti-woman?

Comments

[ninjadebugger.livejournal.com]

IF SHE'S NOT STRIPPING AND SHE'S NOT MAKING SANDWICHES, WHY THE FUCK IS SHE THERE?

[insheepsclothng.livejournal.com]

Meeeeh I can sort of see where she's coming from but really, is it any of her business who's going to be there and in what gender combinations? It's kind of obvious that a spouse or partner is very different from a friend, and sometimes you want the company of one sans the other. Dorkiness has nothing to do with it.

One assumes she can trust her husband not to trash-talk her in front of his buddies of either sex - if she can't, they have bigger problems in their relationship. All she did was admit her raging insecurity. Yuck.

[grysar.livejournal.com]

::nods:: I'd be a bit more sympathetic if the friend, male or female, was just a known ass with a tendency to trash talk her or the like. Similarly, if she actually wanted to go I'd but couldn't that would be a bit different. But it seems like she doesn't know the groom that well and she doesn't really want to go anyways, so eh...

If I ever have some sorta bachelors party it would probably just be paint-ball or something. Females would be welcome, although I'd encourage them not to go for crouch shots, unlike a certain individual the last time I went paintballing (In fairness, that was probably just a coincidence, not like any of us were good shots). :P

[korgmeister.livejournal.com]

I like your thinking. Paintball is way more fun than strippers, especially for any gay guys who might be attending.

[lirazel.livejournal.com]

I don't understand the whole batchelor party thing in the first place. Or Jack-and-Jill parties. Or (gack) batchelorette parties. It all seems to me to be something the wedding industry made up to make more money--and, incidently, seems to sow the seeds of many grudges to come. If one has to act ubermale as some sort of show of independence before tying the knot, by all means, make it paintball. But first, ask why.

[grysar.livejournal.com]

Well there is some valid logic. Essentially you may have some of your circle in town that wouldn't normally be. Wedding parties and receptions are fairly formal events. So a pre-wedding party is a chance to do fun things with friends while they're in town.

I tend to think the gender split is basically a stupid hold-over. I do admit that paint ball plays into the uber-male stereotype, but I'm mostly motivated because I'd want to do it and wouldn't have done it for several years. If another chance to do paintball came up between now and then, I'd probably just pick something else that would be fun to do with friends.

[heuristicsinc.livejournal.com]

Our bach. party was co-ed. We went out to eat (DuClaw) and then went to Jillians. It was fun. No naked people attended.
-bill

[grysar.livejournal.com]

I think Jillians might allow naked people. After all they don't wear their caps backwards, have offensive t-shirt slogans, or display 'gang colors.'